Will I ever be able to stop at one?

Went to the shops yesterday and bought some new tops. I am still very overweight, obviously, but I do look better. My tummy isn’t as swollen. I look about five months pregnant, as opposed to 9 months. The problem is knowing when to stop spending! I already want to throw a load of my old clothes into the charity shop bag, but it is probably wise to hold off until I lose a bit more!

I seem to go into a big dip between about 2pm and putting the kids to bed at about 8pm. That is six hours. A long time to feel pissed off with a diet. Yesterday I got it really bad. The boy had a bottle of wine chilling in the fridge from when we had friends visiting last week, and it took all my will power not to pull it out and pop out the cork.

I find it hard to imagine that I will ever be able to stop at one slice of pizza and one glass of wine. In fact, I would go as far as to say that at this present time, it seems impossible. That alone should indicate that I have a long way to go just yet. One of the things that irks me however, is how the magazines and blurb suggests that the “hunger” pangs subside. And the feedback from the other girls in the class suggests that they are finding it “alright”. Alright? Alright? I am drowning in self pity come Sunday. How on earth can they find it alright? I lower my tone and in a muffled voice say “Um, I’m finding it quite hard actually…”

Interesting that I found it so hard last night. The boy was out at a work do, and I was on my own. Funny that I really wanted to crack open a bottle on my own.